I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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