I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
