Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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