I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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