just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
