Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
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Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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