When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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