They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
