I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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