i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
