i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
