I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
