Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
