Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
