the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Please, let me fuck your mom
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I pour the whiskey from now on
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize