Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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