i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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