I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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