Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I want to walk on stilts...naked
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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