i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
