did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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