Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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