they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
