we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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