their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
