I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
