Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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