last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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