There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
