he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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