Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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