it wasn't lemon gatorade
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
