I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you traded sex for a burrito?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
