i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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