Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
