and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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