I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
