I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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