mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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