She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
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You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
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There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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