My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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