I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
