do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize