Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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