I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
