im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize