he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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