Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
