it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
