There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
