i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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