This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
