I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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