her vagine was all disorganized.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i drank out of a bidet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Mom said you looked used
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
