You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
