There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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