i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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