literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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