Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
