Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
