My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
