grandma shit on top of the toilet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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