Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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