i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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